Semester stuff: How's the semester so far? Just fine, I'm waiting for the shit to hit the fan on some of the subjects but things look pretty OK so far. Animal Behavior is damn facinating, Genetics is cool, Biochemistry A and Animal Physiology's boring but tolerable, Experiment Analysis and Microbiology Lab is fine.
Unlike last year's lazing about (from ignorance of what tests are like in uni, not intirely out of laziness) I'm summerizing classes twice a week to stay in touch with the material and, also, there's far less material than last year's semesters.
This semester's favorit lecturers are the Biochemistry A proff and the Experiment Analysis lecturer.
Biochemistry proff is an israeli arab (because, aparently, we don't really treat our arabian citizens in aparthide style...) with an endearing sense of humor and a compassionate heart for the students facing his material's complexity. He knows when to gives a break when we're getting too sleepy and treats student questions with philosophy and respect where other lecturers would snob them out. Another respectable thing in the guy is the fact that when he doesn't know the answer to a student's question he'll just say he doesn't know.
Experiment Analysis is basically a course where we take a subject (the Ligioners' desease' bacteria for my group) and try to slowely patch together a do-able, reasonable experiment. The lecturer starts each class with a problem ("how to find which kind of mutant the ligionella bacteria you recieved in the mail today are") and shoots down our sprouting, green ideas like an expert AA battery ^_^ better him teach us the art of making reasonable research suggestions than our future professors, says I (from bitter experience...). The lecturer has a heavy stutter which he reins into control by focusing (and often slips when he's distracted) but he's still giving the classes with a sweet humorous atmosphere and a lot of brains. Fascinating stuff.
Book report: Finished reading Steve Jones' Almost Like A Whale. Damn wonderful book, honestly. I started reading it a little before the strike ended and was immediately glad for the little treasure box ofchances to refresh last year's ecology and taxonomy material. You'll find everything in Jones' book; ecology, evolution, genetics, microbiology, bacteriology, history, poetry, logic. Jones' style is wonderfully readable and elegantly addictive but most of all, it's simple and informative with a healthy dash of good, sharp humor. With very, very little mindless judgment to anyone (not even the 'monster' of creationism as so many american scientists are rediculously buzzing about) every argument for and against evolution is well represented, dealt with and explained in deep but not boring details. There wasnt a dull moment in this book and it managed to keep my attention without lapsing into petty anecdotes or meaningless detail scattering. A great, highly recommended book alltogether.
Next on my reading list: Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game which beloved boyfriend got me (*squee*)
And now an update: L'Oreal and Unilever decide to remove shark liver oil from their products now if only L'Oreal would completely stop experimenting its products of animals, I'll be its happy consumer.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
The two news pieces I promised...
1. I got fired after a small, silly, bitchy tackle with a coworker to a shift who was also themanager of night team, but which was based on a very deep and annoying problem. I have work ethics so I don't talk on the phone while I'm supposed to stay available to answer costumers' calls, and I try to stay by my work station in case I'll miss a call. Said coworker and manager had a habit of having private conversation on her line so that all the calls kept streaming to me and when she wasn't at that she'd talk on one of her own cell phones and not notice calls entering her computer thus ending up getting to me etc. On my last shift the pressure of calls was phenomenal and she chose the wrong time to be bitchy about me needing to answer even more calls (I answered twice her ammount by then) instead of using the relative calm in calls to eat my dinner.
Also, two months ago I covered for their asses by staying to do a double shift until the next morning because the guys who were supposed to replace us stood us up. On the morning after I was praised and promised a big bonus for that act of niceness by two of my bosses but two months later and there's zilch from them.
Screw them, I can find better places and I have better things to do now.
2. SCHOOL'S BACK!! Last friday the lecturers finally signed a reasonable agreement with the ministry of treasury and the strike is over! Aw, man, how I missed my faculty...I even missed the toilet <3 it seems the semesters will be shortened by two weeks and some substance diducted but also we'll be learning 6 days a week and not just 5 as usual. My faclty has yet to give us the year's new time table so I'm still happy and optimistic but there are high chances that I might have to postpone some of my choice labs (invertebrates and variational bugs labs, most likely) to next year when you're supposed to complete all your choice labs and classes.
But most importantly...SCHOOL'S BAAAAAAACK!!
Also, two months ago I covered for their asses by staying to do a double shift until the next morning because the guys who were supposed to replace us stood us up. On the morning after I was praised and promised a big bonus for that act of niceness by two of my bosses but two months later and there's zilch from them.
Screw them, I can find better places and I have better things to do now.
2. SCHOOL'S BACK!! Last friday the lecturers finally signed a reasonable agreement with the ministry of treasury and the strike is over! Aw, man, how I missed my faculty...I even missed the toilet <3 it seems the semesters will be shortened by two weeks and some substance diducted but also we'll be learning 6 days a week and not just 5 as usual. My faclty has yet to give us the year's new time table so I'm still happy and optimistic but there are high chances that I might have to postpone some of my choice labs (invertebrates and variational bugs labs, most likely) to next year when you're supposed to complete all your choice labs and classes.
But most importantly...SCHOOL'S BAAAAAAACK!!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Kitty pictures
There are changes developing on both work front and university strike front, but both are yet resolved so I'll wait until there'll be something to share.
In the meantime; I've got kitty pictures!! I know you enjoy 'em and so here they are.
Spread out evenly.
Sam in hislion den cat tunnel.
All curled up and fluffy.
Getting cynical and annoyed with camera!mom.
Scarlett,nursing curling up with mom under the blanket.
Zzzz
When I finally have some time to sit to the computer, this is what happens; Scarlett wants to poke her fluffy sweet little nose into what I do.
Most unladylike.
"Leave me alone already, moooom!"
Note the fluff pantaloons.
Sam's really beginning to spill out of his bowl; he's just gotten too big for it >.<
And last but definitely not least; BF (who goes by the name of Ofer) and his complimentary cat - Tuli
More updates later (probably tomorrow)
In the meantime; I've got kitty pictures!! I know you enjoy 'em and so here they are.
Spread out evenly.
Sam in his
All curled up and fluffy.
Getting cynical and annoyed with camera!mom.
Scarlett,
Zzzz
When I finally have some time to sit to the computer, this is what happens; Scarlett wants to poke her fluffy sweet little nose into what I do.
Most unladylike.
"Leave me alone already, moooom!"
Note the fluff pantaloons.
Sam's really beginning to spill out of his bowl; he's just gotten too big for it >.<
And last but definitely not least; BF (who goes by the name of Ofer) and his complimentary cat - Tuli
More updates later (probably tomorrow)
Sunday, January 6, 2008
I am alive (or so it seems)
* I've worked six days this week, without even noticing it...damn, how did it come to this? Well, with nine days until the semester is due to be canceled by the strike for good and the professors still not willing to settle (they didn't show up to a meeting about it scheduled for yesturday...) it seems I still have time to keep gaining a financial fat layer before the disaster of how this academic year will look when it's finally started again will ruin any chance of me ever having a life beyond work and study.
* Speaking of life, me and the BF have a one month anniversary tomorrow (*squee*) and if I wasn't so cynical and shy I'd tell you exactly what I feel about it.
* I've updated my flicker account with some new pictures, including all my old hyrax pictures. As I was writing comments for each picture, I noticed how this stupid project and the treatment I get from the project guide didn't mar my enthusiasm for these strange little beasts. *sigh*
* Finished Mists of Avalon. Have you ever found yourself reading a book, knowing you're reading crap, but the writing style and the occasional promising plot twist kept you going?
Maybe I was fooled by Hallmark's production, Merlin, and I expected Morgaine to have a backbone to call her own. Zimmer Bradley took whatever hope I had of finding yet another female character to favor and crushed them; Morgaine is obsessed with who everyone marries and who gives birth to who as badly as the simple 'foolish' women she describes contemptibly.
The constant religious conversations were getting boring by the nine-hundredth time they were run and Zimmer Bradley's constant obsession with not taking sides or making too many snapping comments of Christianity were annoying.
Bradley gives no one a truly happy ending nor a revenge to any of the 'bad' characters and so leaves the reader with a sense of bitter disappointment. Sure, it was nice to read about the very early days of post-Roman england, but for god's sake; I could have picked up a history book and not this waste of time, energy and paper
However, watching Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, is a wonderful cleansing experience after this book...
Am now reading Steve Jones' Almost Like A Whale.
* Speaking of life, me and the BF have a one month anniversary tomorrow (*squee*) and if I wasn't so cynical and shy I'd tell you exactly what I feel about it.
* I've updated my flicker account with some new pictures, including all my old hyrax pictures. As I was writing comments for each picture, I noticed how this stupid project and the treatment I get from the project guide didn't mar my enthusiasm for these strange little beasts. *sigh*
* Finished Mists of Avalon. Have you ever found yourself reading a book, knowing you're reading crap, but the writing style and the occasional promising plot twist kept you going?
Maybe I was fooled by Hallmark's production, Merlin, and I expected Morgaine to have a backbone to call her own. Zimmer Bradley took whatever hope I had of finding yet another female character to favor and crushed them; Morgaine is obsessed with who everyone marries and who gives birth to who as badly as the simple 'foolish' women she describes contemptibly.
The constant religious conversations were getting boring by the nine-hundredth time they were run and Zimmer Bradley's constant obsession with not taking sides or making too many snapping comments of Christianity were annoying.
Bradley gives no one a truly happy ending nor a revenge to any of the 'bad' characters and so leaves the reader with a sense of bitter disappointment. Sure, it was nice to read about the very early days of post-Roman england, but for god's sake; I could have picked up a history book and not this waste of time, energy and paper
However, watching Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail, is a wonderful cleansing experience after this book...
Am now reading Steve Jones' Almost Like A Whale.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Youre president sucks...
President Bush acknoledges the existance of CO2. He is quoted to say, "Carbon dioxide, a molecule which contains one atom of carbon bonded with two atoms of oxygen, is a naturally occurring colorless gas exhaled by humans and metabolized, in turn, by plants.As a leading industrialized nation, we can no longer afford to ignore the growing consensus of so many experts whose job it is to study our atmosphere. Carbon dioxide is real."
Do you guys know how fucked up you president is? Was in the kind of acknoledgment the UN gives a new country or is it an umwelt thing; it's just not there until you've acknoledged it.
Then again, if your dad ran around Auschwitz in 1987 saying, "Boy, they sure were big on crematoriums, weren't they?" there's very little surprise about where all this stupid came from...
And speaking of global warming, winter here consists mostly of cold nights, sunny-to-lightly-cloudy days and NO FUCKING RAIN. I hope January's going to be a little better because so far this winter's worse than last year where we hardly saw rain through all of December...
Do you guys know how fucked up you president is? Was in the kind of acknoledgment the UN gives a new country or is it an umwelt thing; it's just not there until you've acknoledged it.
Then again, if your dad ran around Auschwitz in 1987 saying, "Boy, they sure were big on crematoriums, weren't they?" there's very little surprise about where all this stupid came from...
And speaking of global warming, winter here consists mostly of cold nights, sunny-to-lightly-cloudy days and NO FUCKING RAIN. I hope January's going to be a little better because so far this winter's worse than last year where we hardly saw rain through all of December...
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Stuff from life lately
* The company I work in has an evening out in a restaurant for the workers. Me and another girl are doing shift at the call center. I ask for food delivery and, as drinks to go with the food, we get diet coke....because all women are obsessed with their weight and want to drink diet...
* Signed up to the university gym with the BF to help BF get into shape together. I hate the atmosphere there, so full of people high on adrenalin and obsessed with how firm the other's butt is compared to theirs and how more defined their abs are than the abs of the guy on the next treadmill. However, said gym has a swimming pull, which is hella-cool.
* Mom and Dad had their birthday this week, dad's is tomorrow and mom's was this monday. Happy birthday parents!
* Still no sign of an end to the lecturers' strike and now there's both a deadline beyond which the semester (and the year, probably) will be canceled and a threat from the universities to get the lecturers back in the classrooms via court warrents.
* Staring at many hyrax pictures, I'm beginning to see two fur patterns repeating themselves. Whether I'm bothered with gracing my proff and project guide with this is questionable since I'm not sure they'll pay attention or take me seriously.
* Attention all LJ friends, you can sign in with your username when commenting on this blog ^_^
* Signed up to the university gym with the BF to help BF get into shape together. I hate the atmosphere there, so full of people high on adrenalin and obsessed with how firm the other's butt is compared to theirs and how more defined their abs are than the abs of the guy on the next treadmill. However, said gym has a swimming pull, which is hella-cool.
* Mom and Dad had their birthday this week, dad's is tomorrow and mom's was this monday. Happy birthday parents!
* Still no sign of an end to the lecturers' strike and now there's both a deadline beyond which the semester (and the year, probably) will be canceled and a threat from the universities to get the lecturers back in the classrooms via court warrents.
* Staring at many hyrax pictures, I'm beginning to see two fur patterns repeating themselves. Whether I'm bothered with gracing my proff and project guide with this is questionable since I'm not sure they'll pay attention or take me seriously.
* Attention all LJ friends, you can sign in with your username when commenting on this blog ^_^
Friday, December 21, 2007
Fun Link Time!
Yup yup, long time not fun link, huh? Well, it's back again and better than ever!
1. 24 Bizarre Creatures of the Deep, with stunning pictures of some of nature's most brilliant and bizarre monsters.
2. Black hole destroys a small galaxy, Death Star style, with a stunning picture to boot.
(at this point Scarlett sat herself in front of the screen and is making typing a tab difficult to do...)
3. Porn for girls, by girls. I can't say I agree with everything, but it is stuff that'd make us melt XD.
4. Geekerama aplenty; Five awesome sci-fi inventions and why they'd actually suck is they ever came to existence. I know, I know, I always wanted a holodeck myself, but the guy has some good points there...
5. Stress bakes your brain, but how can you un-bake your brain? OK, so there are a couple of medicinal tips here that smell somewhat of a commercial but the other tips look very good, try it.
6. Let's play Buffy on phantom power and have a look at modern day's biggest power vampires. Look at the list and have a good think about the electrical appliances you leave plugged to heir sockets when you don't need them.
7. Ants are good for camouflage as well as for food, claims a new study about ant-snatching assassin bugs who use a backpack of their prey to avoid being noticed by vision-guided predators. This reminds me of one of Dick Winters' Battle of the Bulge stories, though the anal prick couldn't see the dark humor in using dead enemy soldier bodies to cover his foxhole. Ah well, when you're that full of yourself others just can't be properly comprehended.
8. The origin of whales; a small deer-like mamal, latest study claims. Now let's take a break to wrap out brains around the concept of those huge flippers starting off as tiny dainty matchstick legs deer have...
9. Not my cattle of fish quite just yet, but still quite an interesting mystery pondered here; why pregnant women don't tip over! To be honest, I never ever thought about that. The next obvious mystery is, I suppose, why bosomly-enhanced porn stars don't tip over...
10. We'd all be very sad if we couldn't laugh at the germans, right? So here's Hitler on Facebook (the place I refuse to join due to over-popularity) I find the family album particularly amusing.
11. And speaking of World War 2, the BBC have raised a truly stunning project - The People's War. It is an archive of personal testimonies from almost every angle of that war from POWs to citizens of all sides to soldiers to partizan's. It is an amazing gift to future generations and is a goldmine to history-infested writers like me with a need to research.
12. The Great War in color! This small article contains some beautiful pictures of a world long gone and a war that should have never happened. These are really, really stunning pices.
That's it for today, hope you enjoyed the links!
1. 24 Bizarre Creatures of the Deep, with stunning pictures of some of nature's most brilliant and bizarre monsters.
2. Black hole destroys a small galaxy, Death Star style, with a stunning picture to boot.
(at this point Scarlett sat herself in front of the screen and is making typing a tab difficult to do...)
3. Porn for girls, by girls. I can't say I agree with everything, but it is stuff that'd make us melt XD.
4. Geekerama aplenty; Five awesome sci-fi inventions and why they'd actually suck is they ever came to existence. I know, I know, I always wanted a holodeck myself, but the guy has some good points there...
5. Stress bakes your brain, but how can you un-bake your brain? OK, so there are a couple of medicinal tips here that smell somewhat of a commercial but the other tips look very good, try it.
6. Let's play Buffy on phantom power and have a look at modern day's biggest power vampires. Look at the list and have a good think about the electrical appliances you leave plugged to heir sockets when you don't need them.
7. Ants are good for camouflage as well as for food, claims a new study about ant-snatching assassin bugs who use a backpack of their prey to avoid being noticed by vision-guided predators. This reminds me of one of Dick Winters' Battle of the Bulge stories, though the anal prick couldn't see the dark humor in using dead enemy soldier bodies to cover his foxhole. Ah well, when you're that full of yourself others just can't be properly comprehended.
8. The origin of whales; a small deer-like mamal, latest study claims. Now let's take a break to wrap out brains around the concept of those huge flippers starting off as tiny dainty matchstick legs deer have...
9. Not my cattle of fish quite just yet, but still quite an interesting mystery pondered here; why pregnant women don't tip over! To be honest, I never ever thought about that. The next obvious mystery is, I suppose, why bosomly-enhanced porn stars don't tip over...
10. We'd all be very sad if we couldn't laugh at the germans, right? So here's Hitler on Facebook (the place I refuse to join due to over-popularity) I find the family album particularly amusing.
11. And speaking of World War 2, the BBC have raised a truly stunning project - The People's War. It is an archive of personal testimonies from almost every angle of that war from POWs to citizens of all sides to soldiers to partizan's. It is an amazing gift to future generations and is a goldmine to history-infested writers like me with a need to research.
12. The Great War in color! This small article contains some beautiful pictures of a world long gone and a war that should have never happened. These are really, really stunning pices.
That's it for today, hope you enjoyed the links!
Monday, December 17, 2007
D'jya like dags?
Watched Snatch; fucking brilliant film! Funny, flowing, insane, Vinnie Jones, jews, gypsies, you name it. However wrote the script was downright insane. When I'll have a dog of my own I'll call it Dag. Dj'ya like dags? ^_~
Also watched The Simpsons Movie which was also hilarious. I can see why they didn't let people know about the real plot of the movie since it's ever so snappy and awesome.
Great movies, both extremely recommended, folks.
And to top it off, here are a couple of new Sam & Scarlett pictures to kill you with teh cute
Also watched The Simpsons Movie which was also hilarious. I can see why they didn't let people know about the real plot of the movie since it's ever so snappy and awesome.
Great movies, both extremely recommended, folks.
And to top it off, here are a couple of new Sam & Scarlett pictures to kill you with teh cute
Saturday, December 15, 2007
A saturday morning's shift boredom
I am smarter than 98.33% of the rest of the world.
Dumb Test now bow before me
Found this amusing:
"To the citizens of the United States of America...
In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed."
There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN."
Dumb Test now bow before me
Found this amusing:
"To the citizens of the United States of America...
In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.
Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.
You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
Look up "interspersed."
There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).
You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. Popular British films such as the Italian Job and the Wicker Man should never be remade.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2008.
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. The 4th of July is no longer a public holiday. The 2nd of November will be a new national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From the 10th of November the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN."
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Updates...
Work's going a little easier on me this week, though I took two extra shifts beyond what was planned. These decent work weeks might be a little wearing but as long as the strike's going they can't harm too. much.
Went to see In The Valley of Elah which is a downright brilliant movie which I recommend you all to watch. It was very life-like and completely kitsch-less save for the last scene which I'll spare you the spoiling of, Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon act so naturally and realistically you can't see it's 'Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon' anymore, but instead you see their actual characters which is a bit tricky once an actor is famous enough, and Charlize Theron is brilliant in a zero-sexuality-full-character role. Go watch it, it's a very good movie.
Things with the (now official) boyfriend (*squee*) are going smoothly and lovely but I'll spare you the gushy stuff.
However I will share with you some very romantic new pics of Sam and Scarlett bonding:
Scarlett: What? I'm not squishing him...
Scarlett: He likes it, really...
Sam: Uh....mooooom
Sam: Mooooooooom!!
Awww, they're kissing (or trying to bite each other's face off, lord knows)
"And you, my dear, are no lady..."
Cat smear I
Cat smear II
End of pic spam ^_^
Went to see In The Valley of Elah which is a downright brilliant movie which I recommend you all to watch. It was very life-like and completely kitsch-less save for the last scene which I'll spare you the spoiling of, Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon act so naturally and realistically you can't see it's 'Tommy Lee Jones and Susan Sarandon' anymore, but instead you see their actual characters which is a bit tricky once an actor is famous enough, and Charlize Theron is brilliant in a zero-sexuality-full-character role. Go watch it, it's a very good movie.
Things with the (now official) boyfriend (*squee*) are going smoothly and lovely but I'll spare you the gushy stuff.
However I will share with you some very romantic new pics of Sam and Scarlett bonding:
Scarlett: What? I'm not squishing him...
Scarlett: He likes it, really...
Sam: Uh....mooooom
Sam: Mooooooooom!!
Awww, they're kissing (or trying to bite each other's face off, lord knows)
"And you, my dear, are no lady..."
Cat smear I
Cat smear II
End of pic spam ^_^
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