Henh...

In case you were wondering (or in case you even noticed...) I disappeared for a while due to a very hectic week. I've had a shift every day, including night shifts, and my god did it wreck havoc on my life. At least I got the weekend off, which was great.
I've been very down lately and it took me a while to understand why. Sat with myself and thought about it, I realized I had one of the toughest years of my life:

My first year in university was a flop no matter how much I try to cheer myself up thinking it's because of all the math-physics-chemistry I've had this year and how relatively well I did in the more animal-centered courses; I'd believe myself with these cheers if only I didn't know I let myself down in properly sitting my ass to study and cramm properly.

The project, which started on very high and mighty airs, is a flop I hope not a lot of people in my academic year will take any notice of, it's so unprofessional and lame. At least here I don't have anything to blame myself for, but rather the people I'm working with. Still, it's annoying.

My love life's been one crash after another, mostly because of my hubris, one certain condescending asshole and my lack of skills in anything that has to do with flirting, managing myself around sane normal males or choosing sane normal males as mates.

I finished my three-year-written fic and am now fumbling with editing it at a rather disappointing rate and if I knew my beta bothered reading this blog I wouldn't say I think our friendship is lacking now that our once mutual fandom is not on my interest list and the burden of how little we have in common is finally taking a toll on how quickly she does me the favor of betaing my fics. It's not that she's a bad person or that I'm angry with her but I do feel a certain loosening of the delicate voluntary bond between a writer and a beta which we used to have. I don't blame her; I'm not paying her and she owes me nothing so I feel like the fact that something's creaking in the way we work together must come from me because she's not the kind of person to demand something for a favor she does, she's great like that.

I'm 24 and I'm still living with the parents. This is going to change, now that I have a seriously profiting job and I will be seriously looking for a place to move to as soon as I have a safe layer of financial fat in my bank account (which I assume will be in a couple of months or so), but it doesn't change the strain it put on me so far or the stupidity of my behavior which lead to this situation after three years of having jobs between my army service's end and the start of my university studies.

I guess the only thing I did manage to do properly this year was to quit smoking. Way to go, me.

Then there's Clio's death. I knew Clio since she came out of her mother's belly; I raised her, I loved her, I grew to know her as she is alone with her mother and Speedy both went their own ways. Losing Clio was far more than I allowed myself or others know, for a long time. Sure, Scarlett and Sam are wonderful, adorable little treasures, but Clio has a special place in my heart.

I'm not the type to despair and I never let a problem bother me for too long without thinking up ways of solving it and seeing beyond it. That doesn't mean I can't feel bad about said problem...

I wanted to tell you about the beach cleaning operation I went to this thursday, but I didn't have the right strength for it. Also, I don't have the pictures from it yet, so...

News...

1. Well then, it seems I have a new friend; a caterpillar took one of my cactees and decided to make it its home, awww. So far it's eating its little head off and pooping it all out gloriously (why am I telling you this?!) which earned him the name Mr Poopy Pants:


And here's the source of his name:


2. Sam's going to have a girlfriend!! Yes yes, a ragdoll like him only bicolor and mitted - which puts her under the title of 'pet' and not 'show cat' because such a mix is not something to put in competitions (you don't really love your cat if that's how you see 'em IMO) but that's OK because Sam's got four or five white hairs at the tip of his tail which is also aught to make him lose points in competitions. Bullshit, who gives a damn about cat shows, anyways?
Here's the little critter trying to get my attention as I fumble around Mr Poopy Pants. The sign under the plant says "Do NOT touch the caterpillar" aimed at mom who's a little sensitive about creepy-crawlies.


3. Winter started!! Yesturday it rained for the first time this year, which is mighty reasonable since it is my birthday this Saturday and my birthday always heralds the winter time. I hope this winter will be better than the last one where the rains only really started way into January...

4. Look what I made, it's a bracelet (it was supposed to be a necklace...>.>;;):






5. To the the right of this screen you can see the link bit, where there's a new link to my new flickr account. So far it contains only some of my pictures and I will be adding more monthly (what is up with this silly monthly allowance on pictures?!) so, enjoy them.

6. Oy. The research. I have so much to say - most of it swear words, most of it relating to the Death Railway and other Japanese war crimes in WW2 - about the two Nip bastards who invented the melanin characterization method by spectrophotometer, for choosing Soluene-350 as their solvent. You see, the bastards have enough founding for buying it (hell, they have their own homogenizer) and enough lab equipment for handling melanins for HPLC. I don't and my attempts to sort out the different chemicals for it hit a dead end because of the 16-lettered chemical that's missing and is a big part of the mix. Damn Nips didn't even say why they used that material of all things, they just put it in their protocol and they haven't replied to the emails I sent them both, asking if they found or heard of another solvent.
Spoke to the proff a few minutes ago and I'll be working with photoshop on scaling the hyrax coat colors to see if dominant individuals are more red...damn it, it's anything but what I wanted and it's SO SMALL and meaningless. After Lee, the doctorant who's helping me with the paper, got me all worked up about how an article could come out of this, I was so happy! Great, juuuust great; not only do I hardly need to get to the actual field of study (the field study season is in smack in the middle of the second semester and its test season) but the whole thing just got downscaled like fuck...that sucks so bad, everything I thought my research is going to be is practically gone *le sigh*